Drowning the pain
by Beth Northman Salvatore Eng
Summary: A desire, a longing... love someone who you cannot have...


**Title**: Drowning the pain

**Synopsis**: A desire, a longing... love someone who you cannot have...

**Disclaimer**: The copyright of How to Get Away with Murder is not mine, it belongs to Shonda Rhimes, Peter Nowalk and ABC

**Warning 1**: This fic contains spoilers then you have not seen Chapter 7 do not recommend you to read I recomend you to just stop reading.

**Rated**: M (Just because it is about bisexuality)

**Author's Note**: I could not resist ... okay that I'm fascinated by unrequited love... and about this series there is not much but the look on Bonnie's face when Annalise asked if she was with him was priceless... so I got to think that Bonnie doesn't love Sam but the one who she loves is Annalise. And I wrote this.

* * *

><p><strong>Drowning the Pain<strong>

God... sigh... I couldn't go on with this pose like I am almost soulless, I got a pose for myself: I am fucking bitch... and then everyone has to hate me because I cannot go on, I cannot love anyone because I am permanently damaged...

I was in love with someone who never love me back...

For years I had been wanting something I couldn't have...

I was surrounded by handsome men and beautiful women, I got so say this year Annalise had chosen very good stuff, not just the five most daring and intelligent of the group but also the most handsome five ones. But should I see all the eye candy I had in front of me if I was still longing for something I couldn't, shouldn't have..., silent love was something that was usual for me.

Year after year my eyes had been tightened, drowned by love and desire. I had adopted a pose. A well-dressed, perfect style, soberly elegant, impeccable, full of clichés pose... my lips colored lipstick, my blond hair cropped like a mane falling on my head to chin, my whiter skin than I would like but what else I can do and to finish an empty, full of all the pain accumulated during years of love and desire smile.

Years seeing her suffering, disappointment after disappointment, betrayal after betrayal, adventure after adventure… Years suffer her sorrows as if they were mine, every betrayal a wound, each wound a sorrow, each sorrow... a quiet sob.

Sam is my friend, I could have been a shoulder to cry on when one of many I leave him... but between he and I never was anything sexual. Not that I do not like my men... yes I do, I like them very much... well I'm bisexual.

It could be one or two or even more but none has been able to fill the void I feel in my chest every time I see her...

I clench my fists and take a decision. I smile to myself, to my resolution...

With my gaze hardened by so many years of silence... I try to do with mischief.

Pick up the phone and call Asher needed to have sex and he is the one that was willing ... I liked Connor, but he was openly gay... Wes was so into Rebecca... Michaella too much delicate flower like for my taste ... and Lauren, Lauren there was with her dark hair always down her white skin, certainly below that shy girl, someone was wild was hiding but that Frank would have to discover (if after me threatening her, she had decided what she wanted), Frank... I sigh again... he was my family, he was my brother, anyone who hurt him will regret it. Just look at what I think trying not to think about her...

Sam... Nate... both are the same, are my rivals, they both have her... in my mind something reminds me that Sam is my friend, Nate don't...

And she, she's just my friend... but I want her to be much more... I would give my life just to don't see her suffering...

Sam, so you are a dick? ... She was my friend I didn't like to see her suffer... and the worst is always to come...

I still feel her word deep into my mind "Are you with him?" it is four o'clock on the morning, at this time I would never be with him. He should be with her, but surely he is with his sorority girl on turn. I couldn't bear her to think I was one of many, me who had suffered in silence, all her sufferings, all her troubles, all his betrayals, at first she didn't deserve that bit at the end only was she paying eye for an eye.

Asher understands nothing, he doesn't understand why I'm getting my clothes on... is that I have to go to comfort her because her asshole husband is not with her, after all she did so him could get away unscathed out of this.

I turn to Asher and while I throw him his clothes I say "this didn't happened, nor never will happen again... now get dressed and let's go."

I came into house's living room and there she is... curled sitting by the fireplace... she is broken. Without further thinking I run to her and give her a hug "everything will be alright, everything will be fine" but it isn't ok or will ever be ok, while she is still my friend, my boss, my sister and nothing more...

And me, I have no choice but to live drowning the pain..


End file.
